Grace in Sorrow

I have been a writer for most of my life, so when I am in the middle of an experience that leads to vast emotions, I tend to return to writing as a way to process what I am feeling and come to a way of peace. Over the last few days, since we began gathering together as a family in honor of Kel Halterman, I have been witness to some of the most beautiful Love and Grace ever. I have, at times, been speechless with wonder as each of you, across this world, has come into our space, offered your love, your support, your prayers, your energy, your empathy. Many of you don't know any of us, but you have donated needed items, or money, or offered help and support simply because you, too, have been touched by this death that has somehow turned into a miraculous cycle of Giving and Love.

In honor of two people who have have come to love so much - Kel and Garrett - and a little boy, Sage, whom I know I would have adored to the ends of the world, I am sharing something I wrote on my personal blog today. This post was me attempting to put into words all the gratitude and immense love and joy I have been experiencing, even though there are no words to do so.

This is for those who have stood with us, all around the world, and have paused for a moment or two to bask in the light of Love that Kel and Garrett began when they met. I offer this glimpse from behind the scenes, with love.

-Angie K. Millgate



Here at Home Base, inside the circle of Love and grieving over the sudden death of Kel, I have very often found myself with silent tears rolling down my face for the over-abundance of Love, Compassion, and Grace that is pouring into the center of this experience. There have been times when Jen and I have just looked at one another, tears brimming in our eyes or cascading down our cheeks and we simply nod and BE because there are no words sufficient enough to cover the scope of gratitude in our hearts. I never have experienced a death-happening that has created such huge waves of Love, a growing tsunami that is connecting people all around this globe. In Love.

I've noticed today that the world is continuing to go on. For those who have not been blessed by the presence of Kel and Garrett when they were alive, or by the story since they left this earth, they are, sadly, missing out on the opportunity to step into the most delicious space of grace and magic. The news is still telling drama and selling trauma. When the story of Kel and Garrett hit the national news, we were in awe of their ability to tell their tale with honor of their Love, rather than focusing on the tragedy of the accident. Yes, their cause of death was discussed, but in the long segments of stories covering them, they focused mostly on the positive impact these two beautiful beings had on everyone and everything around them.

Grace.

The moments, minutes, hours, days have rolled by. Those of us here, behind the scenes, who are dreaming up and creating a beautiful funeral to rival any wedding for our fairy princess bride, we have been rolling through the waves together. We've taken time to hold one another's hands, embrace often, and be still together. There have been times when one of us has needed to be held, while the grief wracked their body with heaving sobs. So, we did. We have focused on tasks that have needed to be done to pull off this event smoothly and safely... who is in charge of traffic control? We need candles and tulle... Can you be in charge of this? Can you take care of that? Here are some more flowers, where should we put them? Yes, THIS is the picture we were looking for! Who is doing the music? Can you set up chairs? ... 

We pause with each new monetary donation that has come into the space... Ireland, Norway, Australia, Canada, all over the US... and with each donation, the notes attached have caused a moment's pause, silence, tears, smiles, nods of "thank you" to people we do not even know, but who are touched by their story.

The people who have opened up to receive this story, as it has gone out across the land and across seas, have shared with us all the ways it has touched their hearts... I am a mother... a grandmother... a pregnant woman... a father... a single mom... a grandfather... an aunt... an uncle... a friend... a cousin... a niece... a nephew... a newly married... an animal lover... Even if they had no direct relationship to Kel or Garrett, each person who has absorbed this story, it has become part of them.

In death there is often sorrow for the human experience of losing the physical presence of someone you love. However, in the death of Kel, Garrett, and Sage, there has been an unexpected magic. Their story is my story is your story and yours and yours and yours... it is an unending reciprocal cycle that began with two people who chose to be fully alive in every moment of their lives, to experience all that life had to offer and to love with every cell in their body. Because of Kel and Garrett and their incredibly strong connection, each person touched by them is forever changed.

A movement into Love has begun in this celebration of their life while mourning their passing. The grace of this situation is, they have left behind a legacy of unstoppable Love. Ride the waves with us and see where this adventure takes us. For me, I am transformed and I am believing in things I may have never been able to comprehend before. Simply because, a boy loved a girl and that girl loved him right back and they chose to walk, hand in hand, into the dark.