Obituary

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” -Emily Bronté

Kel and Garrett are a romance story fit for a princess and her prince. Once they found one another, they were inseparable and spread love wherever they went. Their joy and excitement about the upcoming birth of their son was contagious and they looked forward to his arrival with great anticipation. However, their fairy tale ended quite unexpectedly in an auto accident on January 19, 2013. Their beautiful smiles, laughter, and loving presence will be deeply missed by the many people who loved them, raised them, and nurtured them to the adults they became.

Kelsey Elizabeth Halterman came into this world on September 26, 1991 because her mother, Jennifer Lyn Allred and her father, Franklin Daniel Halterman began a family that eventually included her brother Tom Halterman. Kelsey’s family grew with the addition of Tracy Gunnell Halterman and bonus siblings, Mark Schofield and bonus siblings, and Wendy Kipple.

Garrett Joseph James Boweter-Barker, born December 13, 1990, was deeply loved and truly cherished by his mother, Tonya (Christiansen-Boweter) Monard, his father, Ronald Craig Boweter and siblings, Cassie Boweter-Barker (Barry Beggs), and Jaromy Boweter-Barker. His world expanded with step-father, Dennis Monard and bonus sister, step-mom, Jody Pederson and bonus brothers, and his adoptive parents, Mirjam and Jay Barker and many bonus siblings.

The love story of Kelsey and Garrett included five dogs, four cats, reptiles, arachnids, and other furry kids who are too numerous to name. Their dogs, Rogue, Lyla, Akayah, Odin, and Rambo accompanied them on their journey to Happily Ever After, passing from this earth due to injuries sustained in the accident.

The emergency response team and compassionate staff of Lakeview Hospital did all that they could to save Sage Cannon Boweter, bringing him into the world perfectly healthy and whole within an hour of the accident. However, after taking a few strong breaths, Sage chose to join his parents.

With all of the bonus siblings, bonus in-laws, vast extended families, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and chosen family members, their lives have been filled with abounding love and examples of living fully. Because we couldn’t find the words that felt adequate, we are choosing to let their words illustrate their love for one another and their son, Sage…

Kel to her mom: I finally found someone whose love is bigger than the fear I have of being loved.

Kel to Garrett: I AM heaven sent! Don’t you forget it!

Garrett to Kel: Woman. I have to tell you… there’s a cat in our neighborhood… it’s orange. I think I love her.

Kel: Board games all night with boo. One of the thousands of reasons I'll marry this kid.

Kel to Garrett: I love you. Thank you for treating me better than I ever deserved to be treated.

Garrett to Kel: Happy Birthday babe! This past year and a half with you has been the best year and a half someone could ask for. Thank you for being here for me, thank you for letting me be there for you. I'm so excited for our future with the baby, I couldn't have picked a better mother for him. You're the best Kelsey. I really appreciate you being in my life :) PTL FTF. Xoxo I love you!!!!!

Garrett to Kel: I love you babe, im glad im having a baby boy with my best friend. Im glad i work with, sleep with, and do everything with you. You are my life. Ptl, ftf. :)

Kel to Garrett: Hey butthead. I love you even when you smell like a foot :)

Garrett to Kel: I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.

Kel to Sage: I hope you learn eagerly, get everything you work for, love animals a lot, laugh often, never forget your dreams, ignore other’s judgments and grow strong.

Garrett to Sage: I hope you love all of your family and I hope you become like me.

To celebrate this family, a viewing will be held on Wednesday, January 23, 2013 from 6:00pm-8:00pm. The private funeral services will be Thursday, January 24, 2013 at 12:00 noon. Viewing and funeral will be held in the space where Kelsey wanted to have their wedding this summer – Mitchell Barn 1428 Sunset Drive, Kaysville, Utah. For those attending these services, please dress warmly and bring blankets to wrap around you and your loved ones. Monetary contributions, parking details, and further information can be found at HisSoulAndMine.blogspot.com

“Love of mine, someday you will die but I will be close behind. I will follow you into the dark.”

Sand Ceremony

When planning her wedding to Garrett and choosing the wording for the ceremony, Kelsey was clear she wanted something that emphasized their choices to be together, create a life, and be a family unit. The sand ceremony was chosen because, when sifting through sand, it is impossible to separate the grains and the sand is always One.

“I’m choosing the sand ceremony,” Kelsey once told her mom, “because when Garrett and I fight in the future and one of us says we’re going to leave, we will have to sit down with the sand to separate out what is his and what is mine. That will take forever and, in the process, we will find a way to make up and forgive one another.”

Family and loved ones who attended the viewing prior to the funeral on Thursday, January 24, 2013, followed through with Kelsey’s wish to symbolically unite their souls forever. Each attendee selected a scoop from the colored sands and sparkling, silver glitter then poured some into the two glass containers. This process created a symbolic representation of each of them individually.

The family of Kelsey and Garrett stood witness to their union, as Reverend Annie Benjamin shared the meaning behind the sand in the individual containers, “These grains of sand are a representation of how Kel and Garrett touched your lives and you touched theirs. We are all forever one family, united in their love.”

The room, filled to the brim with loved ones, was quiet, aside from the gentle crying as the two fathers, Dan and Ron topped off the canisters with artistically and thoughtfully poured layers of the remaining sands. Then the two mothers, Jennifer and Tonya, joined the sands of the two vessels into One, as a representation of Kel’s and Garrett’s Love that is never to be divided in life or death.

When the One vessel was filled beautifully, the grandparents of Sage retrieved heaping scoops of sand from its depths, mostly grabbing the glittering essence of sparkles on the top, and placed it in a smaller vessel. This represented Sage and his part in the family unit Kel and Garrett consciously chose to make together.

This ceremony was a ritual of binding Kel, Garrett ,and Sage together One. They will never be divided in life or in death.

Let It Shine

Music in video: Let it Shine by Mystic Sister - Mystic Sister on Facebook

Resounding Hugs

One of the things that touched me the most over the last few days was witnessing the Love shared between the large group of young men who were friends with Garrett and Kel. I admired their open expression of emotions, "I love you's" and hugs that were accompanied with resounding thumps on one another's backs. Each time they approached one another, they embraced solidly, crying together and hanging on until they were strong enough to approach. The times that I was blessed to be standing near one of their embraces and they thumped each other on the back, I could feel it vibrate through the earth and through my body. The thump on the men's backs became a thump on my own back and filled every cell of my body.

My daughter noticed this ritual too and said to me how much she appreciated their open willingness to seek out comfort in one another's arms. There was no shame to be humanly emotional, out in the open, in the middle of the crowd. They were grieving and the expression of this was shown through free-flowing tears and sometimes full-body sobs and wails.

At the beginning of the night Wednesday, as they started pouring into the barn for the viewing in waves of humanity, I felt stirrings within me. A decade ago, *I* would have felt cautious around these men and I imagine their appearance causes wariness in others because they have wild piercings, massive plugs in their earlobes, and incredible tattoos covering their skin. I'm imagining that they've grown used to - and probably oblivious to - the gawking of strangers. I realized, as I witnessed their tender strength and their unwavering connection, that I had created a story that someone who pierced and inked and stretched their skin like they do, somehow, did not feel pain.

I sat with that realization for awhile, as I watched their pure expressions of utter sadness, longing, and disbelief and I felt my heart opening in new ways. These men - whose physical appearance seemed to say to me that they had "no feelings" -  became Gentle Giants in my eyes. The veneer of stoic strength that *I* had placed upon them shattered right before my very eyes and they became real, tangible, approachable human beings who were hurting, just as I was - and possibly even more. I became aware that it was my judgment of them that was placing upon each of them a shell of unfeeling coldness. It was me who was perceiving them this way and it was up to me as to whether I was going to see the truth or not.

In an instant, I chose Love. I chose to witness their perfection, their souls, their joy, their pure delightfulness. Because of this, as the days rolled on, I found myself unfailingly falling in love with each of the young men, appreciating their unfettered expression of true emotion, and expanding myself in the experience of them. Their unadulterated grief was a sacred blessing, a humbling experience, and moved me to tears every time. I feel so blessed to have been touched by their resounding hugs.

-Angie K. Millgate

The Legend of Rainbow Bridge

This beautiful piece of artwork was created by one of our clients that loved Kel & Garrett. This is a replica of the cover of the beautiful book, The Legend of Rainbow Bridge. He researched and located the illustrator of this book and got his permission to change the cover to show their beautiful family there waiting to greet all our pets that have and will leave this earth.

Sending my love and good wishes to all,
Becky at Animal Care Center

Information about The Legend of Rainbow Bridge

Grace in Sorrow

I have been a writer for most of my life, so when I am in the middle of an experience that leads to vast emotions, I tend to return to writing as a way to process what I am feeling and come to a way of peace. Over the last few days, since we began gathering together as a family in honor of Kel Halterman, I have been witness to some of the most beautiful Love and Grace ever. I have, at times, been speechless with wonder as each of you, across this world, has come into our space, offered your love, your support, your prayers, your energy, your empathy. Many of you don't know any of us, but you have donated needed items, or money, or offered help and support simply because you, too, have been touched by this death that has somehow turned into a miraculous cycle of Giving and Love.

In honor of two people who have have come to love so much - Kel and Garrett - and a little boy, Sage, whom I know I would have adored to the ends of the world, I am sharing something I wrote on my personal blog today. This post was me attempting to put into words all the gratitude and immense love and joy I have been experiencing, even though there are no words to do so.

This is for those who have stood with us, all around the world, and have paused for a moment or two to bask in the light of Love that Kel and Garrett began when they met. I offer this glimpse from behind the scenes, with love.

-Angie K. Millgate



Here at Home Base, inside the circle of Love and grieving over the sudden death of Kel, I have very often found myself with silent tears rolling down my face for the over-abundance of Love, Compassion, and Grace that is pouring into the center of this experience. There have been times when Jen and I have just looked at one another, tears brimming in our eyes or cascading down our cheeks and we simply nod and BE because there are no words sufficient enough to cover the scope of gratitude in our hearts. I never have experienced a death-happening that has created such huge waves of Love, a growing tsunami that is connecting people all around this globe. In Love.

I've noticed today that the world is continuing to go on. For those who have not been blessed by the presence of Kel and Garrett when they were alive, or by the story since they left this earth, they are, sadly, missing out on the opportunity to step into the most delicious space of grace and magic. The news is still telling drama and selling trauma. When the story of Kel and Garrett hit the national news, we were in awe of their ability to tell their tale with honor of their Love, rather than focusing on the tragedy of the accident. Yes, their cause of death was discussed, but in the long segments of stories covering them, they focused mostly on the positive impact these two beautiful beings had on everyone and everything around them.

Grace.

The moments, minutes, hours, days have rolled by. Those of us here, behind the scenes, who are dreaming up and creating a beautiful funeral to rival any wedding for our fairy princess bride, we have been rolling through the waves together. We've taken time to hold one another's hands, embrace often, and be still together. There have been times when one of us has needed to be held, while the grief wracked their body with heaving sobs. So, we did. We have focused on tasks that have needed to be done to pull off this event smoothly and safely... who is in charge of traffic control? We need candles and tulle... Can you be in charge of this? Can you take care of that? Here are some more flowers, where should we put them? Yes, THIS is the picture we were looking for! Who is doing the music? Can you set up chairs? ... 

We pause with each new monetary donation that has come into the space... Ireland, Norway, Australia, Canada, all over the US... and with each donation, the notes attached have caused a moment's pause, silence, tears, smiles, nods of "thank you" to people we do not even know, but who are touched by their story.

The people who have opened up to receive this story, as it has gone out across the land and across seas, have shared with us all the ways it has touched their hearts... I am a mother... a grandmother... a pregnant woman... a father... a single mom... a grandfather... an aunt... an uncle... a friend... a cousin... a niece... a nephew... a newly married... an animal lover... Even if they had no direct relationship to Kel or Garrett, each person who has absorbed this story, it has become part of them.

In death there is often sorrow for the human experience of losing the physical presence of someone you love. However, in the death of Kel, Garrett, and Sage, there has been an unexpected magic. Their story is my story is your story and yours and yours and yours... it is an unending reciprocal cycle that began with two people who chose to be fully alive in every moment of their lives, to experience all that life had to offer and to love with every cell in their body. Because of Kel and Garrett and their incredibly strong connection, each person touched by them is forever changed.

A movement into Love has begun in this celebration of their life while mourning their passing. The grace of this situation is, they have left behind a legacy of unstoppable Love. Ride the waves with us and see where this adventure takes us. For me, I am transformed and I am believing in things I may have never been able to comprehend before. Simply because, a boy loved a girl and that girl loved him right back and they chose to walk, hand in hand, into the dark.